Category Archives: Humor

Stuff that I thought was funny at the time I wrote it.

Aerial Gynectomy

Posted on February 9, 2015 by Lynn

Based on a true personal experience … Trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, I chose the side of the street with shadows, but was approached by a woman who decided that I was the cause of all her life’s … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Fiction, Humor | Comments Off on Aerial Gynectomy

Verizon’s Newbie Android Class Fail

Posted on February 24, 2014 by Lynn

Last night Suzy and I went to Verizon to take a “class” entitled “Beginning Android”. We were almost the youngest people there — and I’m seventy — I’ve arrived at the age where I want to tell people how old … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Re: Views, Stories, Technology | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Verizon’s Newbie Android Class Fail

There Are Not All Types of People

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Lynn

“There are all types of people in the world.” So claims an author I’ve been editing. Sounds like a truism, right? No there’s not. To say there is sounds as though there’s some master catalog of types, and that someone … Continue reading →

Posted in Editing, Humor, Language, Opinions, Usage | Comments Off on There Are Not All Types of People

A Letter to One’s Copyeditor

Posted on June 19, 2013 by Lynn

Dear Ed Itor. Please to find in file word proces is many words of Story, Is very very funny hilarious freinds say (ha ha!) Please to choose salubrious and make nice sentinces with sound is Good English. If maybe some … Continue reading →

Posted in Editing, Humor, Language, Literature | Comments Off on A Letter to One’s Copyeditor

Case Hope Long Executed

Posted on March 27, 2012 by Lynn

Noted ironist author Case Hope Long was executed by lethal injection this morning for a crime neither he nor anyone else could remember. Beforehand, he announced that his last words would be, “These are my last words.” Considered a master … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Fiction, Humor, Literature, Stories | Comments Off on Case Hope Long Executed

Uncircling, Unfriending, and Unfollowing

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Lynn

Though I don’t maintain an ironclad bullet list of rules about who I follow in my social networks, certain annoyances move me to uncircle, unfriend, or unfollow persons posthaste. (All three italicized words are social networking neologisms.) Give me full … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Language, Opinions, Technology, Thoughts, Writing | Comments Off on Uncircling, Unfriending, and Unfollowing

Pressing the Elevator Button

Posted on November 14, 2011 by Lynn

Now and then I notice the way naive people make fun of more enlightened individuals who press elevator buttons repeatedly in an effort to make them arrive sooner. I’ve been known to beat on the call buttons of a few … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Opinions, Thoughts | Comments Off on Pressing the Elevator Button

About Legacy Posts

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Lynn

As of July 25, 2011, I have migrated over 130 articles from my Neologistics blog, where since August 2005 I have posted many unsorted articles, including items unrelated to editing, writing, or literature. The articles copied from the old site … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Baseball, Editing, Film, Humor, Language, Legacy, Literature, Music, Opinions, Quotes and Quips, Re: Views, Running, Sports, Squibblings, Stories, Technology, Thoughts, Usage, Writing | Comments Off on About Legacy Posts

Easy Start

Posted on July 18, 2011 by Lynn

If it weren’t so annoying I’d laugh at the words written on my Honda gasoline-powered powersprayer’s engine. It says: EASY START One is led to conjecture they display this expression to convey a sense of contrast with the sort of … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Stories | Tagged , | Comments Off on Easy Start

My Visit with Queen Elizabeth II

Posted on July 15, 2011 by Lynn

I had a dream last night about Queen Elizabeth II. Lovely woman, that one. She came to our locality for a visit, accompanied only by a male attendant, whom I presumed to be a personal secretary. She spoke at a … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Fiction, Humor, Squibblings, Stories | Tagged | Comments Off on My Visit with Queen Elizabeth II

Giving Away My Roots

Posted on March 3, 2011 by Lynn

When I lived outside the tiny coastal town of Searsport, Maine, I had a nasty tooth problem and had to hightail it to a dentist. I knew of one in Belfast named — I’m not making this up — Dr. … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Language, Legacy, Stories | Comments Off on Giving Away My Roots

Running Only Four or Five Hours

Posted on March 1, 2011 by Lynn

Long ago I considered running the Mickelson Trail Marathon. It sounded like a good race to me, and besides, I hadn’t run a regular marathon in years; but running it would have required me to travel from Arizona to South … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Language, Legacy, Quotes and Quips, Running, Sports, Squibblings, Stories, Thoughts | Comments Off on Running Only Four or Five Hours

Can You Guess How Oold I Am?

Posted on August 8, 2010 by Lynn

Have you ever noticed how some older people like to tell you their age? It seems I’ve reached that point in life where I’m anxious to tell people my age, sometimes looking for excuses to do so. It’s a pretty … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Fiction, Humor, Legacy, Re: Views, Running, Sports | Comments Off on Can You Guess How Oold I Am?

My Grandma

Posted on July 19, 2010 by Lynn

My Grandma Newton had no automobile; had no television; had no radio; had no telephone; had an ice box instead of a refrigerator until 1952; had no modern record player; didn’t own a book except a Bible; didn’t think much … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings, Stories, Thoughts | Comments Off on My Grandma

My Buddy Mozart

Posted on December 25, 2009 by Lynn

A friend approached me one evening, an older (but not ancient) woman, wanting to know if she correctly understood what she had heard — that I had at one time been a professional photographer in New York City. Having no … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Humor, Legacy, Music, Stories | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on My Buddy Mozart

The Real Inventor of the Internet

Posted on November 24, 2009 by Lynn

An urban legend that circulated in 2000, one that persists today as a standing joke, was that Al Gore, then running for the office President of the United States, made the wild claim to have “invented the Internet.” Although Gore … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on The Real Inventor of the Internet

Nuggets

Posted on August 27, 2008 by Lynn

As I prepare to move in a few days into our new house in the Berwick community of Columbus, these thoughts cross my mind. Long ago I attended a church service on Communion Sunday, when they pass around bread and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings, Stories, Thoughts | Comments Off on Nuggets

MANLY Sports

Posted on May 28, 2008 by Lynn

There have been far too many sissy sports allowed into the Olympics, and personally, I’m weary of it. I say it’s time to beef up the agenda a bit with a few more MANLY sports. Here are some suggestions. Hitting … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Sports, Squibblings, Thoughts | Tagged | Comments Off on MANLY Sports

The Power of Negative Thinking

Posted on May 28, 2008 by Lynn

Some time ago there was a Dilbert strip wherein, when charged with having a bad attitude, Dilbert responds: “My attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly.” In one of the conference rooms at the now defunct Motorola Computer Group … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings, Thoughts | Tagged , | Comments Off on The Power of Negative Thinking

Two Running Vignettes

Posted on April 13, 2008 by Lynn

Part One Most every Saturday of my life that I can arrange it, I spend the morning teaching others about the Bible, and then devote the afternoon or more engaged in long runs of varying dimension. At least that was … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Running, Sports, Stories | Tagged | Comments Off on Two Running Vignettes

Coping with Incompetent Authority

Posted on March 23, 2008 by Lynn

As a freshman at University of Illinois, I took a boring required course. The instructor was an insufferable moron, a graduate liberal arts student. Early in the semester there was a big snow storm. It was an early morning class, … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories | Tagged | Comments Off on Coping with Incompetent Authority

Drivel

Posted on February 10, 2008 by Lynn

Here are some thoughts I’ve wanted to express for a long time. Yesterday I thought of a great mnemonic device, but I forgot what it was. I’m fully aware of the irony of this situation. Or maybe I was just … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Language, Legacy, Quotes and Quips, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on Drivel

Newbie Is as Newbie Does

Posted on February 10, 2008 by Lynn

No one rises to an opportunity to make fun of newbies more quickly than someone, usually young and male, who was himself a newbie just last week and now knows everything. These people like to be alert to opportunities to … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories, Technology | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Newbie Is as Newbie Does

Life’s Great Ironies

Posted on February 10, 2008 by Lynn

Did you know that M O T H E R   I N   L A W is an anagram for W O M A N     H I T L E R That charming coincidence certainly applied well to my first one. To her daughter too, come to think of it.

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on Life’s Great Ironies

Adena Mounds

Posted on February 10, 2008 by Lynn

So—yesterday I drove up to Highbanks Park, in the north end of the city, and because I’ve been sick for two weeks straight, opted not to do a long run, but wanted at least a token excursion to get some … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Running, Sports, Stories | Tagged | Comments Off on Adena Mounds

The Consummate Word

Posted on September 18, 2007 by Lynn

P.G. Wodehouse. What he said. How he said it. Awesome!

Posted in Arts, Humor, Language, Legacy, Literature, Opinions, Quotes and Quips, Squibblings, Thoughts | Tagged , | Comments Off on The Consummate Word

My Bus Trip

Posted on August 15, 2007 by Lynn

“I haven’t been on a bus since I was a child,” I told Ursula, the pleasant, businesslike clerk behind the counter at the Greyhound Station at 720 W. Muhammad Ali Boulevard in Louisville, Kentucky. “What’s the process?” There was no … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories | Tagged , , | Comments Off on My Bus Trip

What Is Jogging?

Posted on July 22, 2007 by Lynn

Louis Armstrong allegedly said once, when asked what jazz is, if you have to ask, you’ll never know. In a roughly similar way, I’ve found that there are three types of people in this world who run: runners, joggers, and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Running, Sports, Thoughts | Tagged , | Comments Off on What Is Jogging?

From the Snake Oil Department

Posted on April 25, 2007 by Lynn

Tonight my wife brought home one of those ladies magazines full of self-improvement schemes targeted at desperate women of the type who are not in the habit of thinking things through clearly. The titles on the cover featured articles designed … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Thoughts | Comments Off on From the Snake Oil Department

Do-Tasks and Not-Do-Tasks

Posted on March 12, 2007 by Lynn

There are two kinds of tasks: Do-Tasks and Not-Do-Tasks. Most of the big life goals we set out to accomplish are achieved by Doing a sometimes complex array of tasks, often in some logical order. For instance, say I want … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Running, Sports, Thoughts | Comments Off on Do-Tasks and Not-Do-Tasks

Places in My Life

Posted on February 20, 2007 by Lynn

Given an infinite universe, coincidences abound. From the Small World department … Follow this link to a Google map of a block in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York City. You will see a block long building between 8th and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Places in My Life

Do I Have to Empty the Bit Buckets?

Posted on February 4, 2007 by Lynn

There was a maintenance man named Bill where I worked at Four Phase Systems in about 1985 who was a nice fellow, but one of the dumbest guys I’ve ever encountered. He was one of those guys for whom carrying … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories | Tagged | Comments Off on Do I Have to Empty the Bit Buckets?

A Thought on Literary Precision

Posted on February 4, 2007 by Lynn

Compare the consequences of a lack of a single punctuation mark in English and in software. Imagine what would happen if high school students were not permitted to graduate for failing to insert a quotation mark in an essay. I’ve … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Language, Legacy, Opinions, Thoughts, Writing | Tagged , | Comments Off on A Thought on Literary Precision

Half Crazy

Posted on January 5, 2007 by Lynn

Most distance runners have been asked by non-runners: “How far is that marathon you’ll be running?” We all have our own saucy answers. I’m sure somewhere there’s a smart aleck who replies: “It’s just a standard marathon.” “Ummm … Oh! … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Running, Sports, Thoughts | Tagged | Comments Off on Half Crazy

Chips Off the Workbench

Posted on December 23, 2006 by Lynn

Welcome to my verbal webcam. It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, as I’ve been busy with work and the upcoming race Across the Years. Meanwhile, here are a few thoughts that pass through my eccentric mind. When people … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Language, Legacy, Quotes and Quips, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on Chips Off the Workbench

To-Do Lists

Posted on November 16, 2006 by Lynn

I don’t do things unless I’ve added them to a to-do list. Sometimes my wife will ask me to do something. I’ll say, “But that’s not on my list.” She’ll say, “So put it on your list.” So I put … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings, Thoughts | Tagged , | Comments Off on To-Do Lists

Ape

Posted on August 12, 2006 by Lynn

There’s a guy who comes to Bally’s gym that I call Ape. I call him that because it’s his name. Well, maybe not, but it should be. What else could his mother have thought when she first saw him? Ape … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Running, Sports, Stories | Comments Off on Ape

The Rudest Devices

Posted on July 23, 2006 by Lynn

On July 13th, I became the owner of my first cell phone. My resistance to having one in the past was not entirely for financial reasons, nor because I suffer from high-tech phobias, nor because I’m an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy. I’ve … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Technology, Thoughts | Tagged , | Comments Off on The Rudest Devices

Giving Awards

Posted on May 21, 2006 by Lynn

Mankind is inextricably addicted to the ceremonious giving of awards. When I was a Boy Scout, our troop had a pancake making contest. I took it seriously, thinking the intent was to make the finest-looking stack of pancakes possible. Some … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Stories, Thoughts | Tagged | Comments Off on Giving Awards

Wagner’s The Flying Dutchman — Arizona Opera

Posted on March 26, 2006 by Lynn

Last night was the first time in 62 years of musical life that I ever attended a live production of a Wagner opera. At that rate I’ll be 124 before I see my next one. I can wait. The event … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Humor, Legacy, Music, Re: Views | Comments Off on Wagner’s The Flying Dutchman — Arizona Opera

The Most Secure Place in the World

Posted on March 23, 2006 by Lynn

Many adventure and sci-fi movies show scenes of top secret highly secure fortresses surrounded by armed guards and protected by more hi-tech gear than the Pentagon can afford. Each of these movies leaves you convinced that there couldn’t possibly be … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Quotes and Quips, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on The Most Secure Place in the World

From Enron to Pink Plastic Flamingos

Posted on January 26, 2006 by Lynn

This is a tale of web “surfing” in the truest sense — something I don’t often do — an exploration of connections that led to an amusing conclusion relevant only to this blog. Last night Suzy and I rented and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories | Comments Off on From Enron to Pink Plastic Flamingos

Fantastic Writing

Posted on December 28, 2005 by Lynn

At this moment my wife is sitting in the living room watching Lord of the Rings. I tried watching it when it first came out, but fell asleep, and have had no further interest in watching the others. I also … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Humor, Language, Legacy, Literature, Writing | Comments Off on Fantastic Writing

Exhalations

Posted on November 14, 2005 by Lynn

I’m pathologically incapable of reading a sentence under the control of an editor and not editing it. In fact, I’m doing it right now! I’m having one of those experiences where an action produces a repeatable but seemingly unrelated reaction, … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Quotes and Quips, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on Exhalations

Chopin on the Banjo

Posted on September 23, 2005 by Lynn

You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Bela Fleck playing a Chopin Etude on the banjo. If you were to listen to it while falling over a cliff while running from a bear in Alaska, your life would be complete (and … Continue reading →

Posted in Arts, Humor, Music, Squibblings, Thoughts | Comments Off on Chopin on the Banjo

Geezer’s Great Alaskan Adventure

Posted on September 20, 2005 by Lynn

… wherein he plunges head first off a cliff while running from a bear So there I was, last Thursday afternoon, trotting briskly down a steep section of the Dewey Lakes trails, east of Skagway, Alaska. The weather was a … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Running, Sports, Stories | Tagged , | Comments Off on Geezer’s Great Alaskan Adventure

Pink Plastic Flamingos

Posted on September 12, 2005 by Lynn

HTML email is evil. It adds incredible amounts of bulk to mail and is potentially insecure. Some recipients resent it, and many email lists flat out forbid it, including one that I have helped to manage for over ten years. … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy | Tagged | Comments Off on Pink Plastic Flamingos

New Truths on Science and the Bible

Posted on September 6, 2005 by Lynn

A couple of years ago my wife and I heard a lecture on science and the Bible that revealed some new truths. Fortunately, I took notes. We learned: The entire universe is made out of science. Einstein invented dynamite. Einstein … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Stories | Comments Off on New Truths on Science and the Bible

Estimating Driver Attitude

Posted on August 25, 2005 by Lynn

Drivers in Arizona wear their attitudes on the outside. The ones to fear most are those who drive trucks. Several secondary factors act as additive attitudinal properties. Among them are: A hat. If it’s on backwards or a cowboy hat, … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Opinions, Thoughts | Tagged | Comments Off on Estimating Driver Attitude

The Truth About Guys

Posted on August 24, 2005 by Lynn

So tell me — what are those girls underpants parties all about? I never have understood that. Guys don’t do those. Guys don’t say things like, “Say, Bubba’s getting married — let’s buy him some new Fruit of the Looms … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Legacy, Squibblings | Comments Off on The Truth About Guys